I unfortunately left the Internet as a whole hanging when it comes to The Lonely Noldor Guide to Los Angeles, but I have been so busy recently that I just… Well, didn’t have time. You will have to take my word that the trip was very fun, Los Angeles is full of amazing food, and the weather was unbearably warm.
NOW THAT IT’S AUTUMN, HERE’S WHAT I DID DURING THE SUMMER
Spoiler Alert: I Went to L.A.
As you can see, Los Angeles has palm trees, just like in the movies! Unfortunately this means that it is the kind of environment in which palm trees grow, which is to say, it is oppressively baking hot. I’ll return to my hatred for too-hot weather, in a bit, but it is sufficient to say that I don’t believe it ever got below 80°F at any point in time, even at 2:30AM. Apparently that’s not something about which you can complain to A Manager™ because it’s Weather™ and not A Personal Attack™.
I GUESS I’LL JUST HAVE TO BASK IN THE HOTEL AC AND THEN GO TO A CONCERT
— Me, Probably
BLACKLINE … NO WAIT NEVER MIND GOTTA LOOK AT A DOG
Blackline, Ssleeperhold and Surachai @ Teragram Ballroom // Breakroom 86
I was interested to see Blackline, a project that is heavily associated with Nitzer Ebb, who I love, but the venue (Teragram Ballroom) was really, really warm and I ended up leaving early, despite the fact that Blackline was actually really good. I didn’t see the others, because…
…It was very important to go drink a fruity cocktail at Breakroom 86, which was this crazy secret and well air-conditioned arcade themed bar with an ice cream truck parked on the (third story) patio, where I met up with Eric, who’d been doing karaoke.
Eric’s brother showed me pictures of his dog. Success.
PLANET MYER DAY LOS ANGELES
Architect, Night Club, Philipp Strobel & Rhys Fulber @ Union
Night Club is fantastic — I’m 100% here for more women in industrial/electronic music
Fun Fact: I didn’t realize Eric was in this shot because spooky goth people blend in to the dark background of any given nightclub (shocking, right?), but TA-DAAA! a little bit of Photoshop Magic (read: “I cropped it”) and suddenly I can pretend I’m a brilliant photographer and that this wasn’t accidental. BRILLIANCE.
This was a really, really fun event — I was shocked that I’d never heard of Night Club before that evening when they were so awesome, I enjoyed Architect as much as I did last time, while trying to round people up to drink shots of tequila I came around a corner too fast and literally ran into Rhys Fulber (of Front Line Assembly) who seemed amused by the whole thing, and meeting Daniel Myer (of Architect, but also Haujobb) was delightful. He’s hilarious and fun, which was a pleasant surprise; I’d always thought he seemed very serious. IT’S AN ACT, HE’S REALLY NICE.
Basically, I’d gone down to Los Angeles with rather little in the way of plans other than seeing a few bands at venues I had never been to with mostly people I don’t know. MOSTLY.
Except Eric, who is clearly thrilled to be in my presence at all times
Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Happy Hour Glass
Nothing but high quality jokes from the Hero of Cocktail Time
Despite wondering whether Los Angeles is located on the literal surface of the Sun, I was able to handily distract myself with industrial music (as above) and a truly baffling array of actual speakeasies, but also a bunch of great happy hours.
Saving Hyrule, one daiquiri at a time
Since it was amazingly hot and I had nothing to do, I spent a bunch of time at various bars with sweet, sweet air conditioning, playing Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild and day-drinking. I very much enjoyed the cool, dark interior of The Library Bar, which had a great happy hour and was very charming.
Get it? It’s a library, but it’s also a bar!
Eventually I had to move on and was too lazy to do anything but go directly next door to have some iced tea while I wasted time running around Hyrule looking for Koroks instead of showing Fireblight Ganon what the deal is with him being Not Welcome in Hyrule Any More™. One beer and several failed attempts later, the Hero of Time (that’s me, for those of you playing along at home) managed to get her act together enough to do some actual Saving of Hyrule.
The Hero of Ain’t Nobody Got Time for That and her Trusty Beer
HEY BARK BARK BARK WANNA TRY DRUGS
Wherein I ride the subway
It’s about to get weird on the Metro
I took the subway a grand total of once while I was in Los Angeles, and had the most baffling experience I’ve had in a long time. I sat down, and at the very next stop, a well-dressed, clean-cut dude in a very expensive suit carrying a Coach handbag that had THREE CHIHUAHUAS IN IT tried to sell me drugs. I declined his offer, and he was super polite and let me pet his dogs, then went to peddle his wares elsewhere.
I feel that was peak Los Angeles, and have included a representational picture of a chihuahua drug dealer to explain how this all made me feel.
THE LONELY NOLDOR PICTURE GUIDE TO THE REST OF LOS ANGELES
I did a lot of playing dress-up for no real reason. It was great.
Please enjoy a few pictures of my Fluevogs and my eyebrows.
Coffee and Zelda, More Coffee without Zelda, and a random milkshake
I don’t remember the name of this café, but their cold brew was stellar
Los Angeles, I’m not sure whether I was wrong about you — being from Seattle I will have to go to my grave saying Los Angeles sucks… But joking aside I had a good time, I’ll try to return when it’s not a billion degrees outside and I will leave you with a screenshot of a map that cracked me up.
LOL WANGS AMIRITE
Hopefully it will not be months and months before I update again. It certainly feels good to have finished sharing the trip I took in JULY now that it’s ALMOST OCTOBER.